ZW Intelligence

Merry Fucking Christmas, ZW!

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Well, here in the Southern Hemisphere it’s Christmas Eve. Already. So think about that before you start bitching that it’s almost Christmas and you need more time. I’m almost outta time!

Holy shit this year went fast! I’m really looking forward to celebrating our 1yr ZW Anniversary in the New Year. What a wild ride it’s been, thanks to YOU, the ZW Nation.

I’ve had a ton of laughs with you all this year and each and every one of your comments, submissions, suggestions and criticisms have made our site a wonderfully sarcastic and hilarious slice of the interwebz that I’m proud to call home.

I’m getting in early before you’re all passed out/shopping/travelling/in lock up/too fat to view computer screen to wish you all a very merry Christmas (even you grinchy ones – Merry Fucking Christmas) and hope you all have a fantastic 2017 with your loved ones (and ZW!). Please be safe over the holiday period, road tolls and accidents are high at this time with so many travelling to see the ones they love. Take care and make sure you get there. Drink responsibly and…. hahahha just kidding. I’m fucking Aussie – go get plastered guys and be sure to tell your sister-in-law at Christmas lunch (in a nice way) that her eyebrows are not symmetrical. Boom. Then you’ve got some laughs for the day while you watch her glance worriedly at her reflection in any and every shiny object, desperately trying to see if you’re right whilst maintaining a calm façade. Oh yeah. I’m fuckloads of fun at parties.

 

A BIG Thank you to my AMAZING ZW Crew; Whitney BeatMe, Duchess Dawn Davenport, Happy Pants and Sir TwoTrickPony (who’s currently on holidays). You guys are always there for me, through the good and the bad. I could not have gotten through this year without you all. Your advice, motivation, help and jokes are invaluable. You all give no fucks and are always honest with me, even if I’m not gonna like it. Thank you so much for that.

From Boxing Day, I’ll be taking a well earned rest for a week and soaking in an Aussie Christmas with the family in the sun. I’ll set up some scheduled posts, some fun polls and try to drop in each day when I can, but a break is definitely needed, so I’ll be relying on the ZW Nation to be my eyes and ears. Only the most desperate and lonely insta-hoes work over Christmas, so I’m sure there will be some great stuff in the Breaking News thread.

If you’d like to pitch in and help the ZW Crew moderate over the holiday period and earn your account a ZW Crew badge, send me an email – [email protected]

Once again – thank you all for helping create this awesome place to hang out and Merry Fucking Christmas ZW! Eat, drink, Be merry!

Dashing through the bush,

In a rusty Holden ute,

Kicking up the dust,

Esky in the boot.

Kelpie by my side,

Singing Christmas songs,

It’s summer time and I am in my singlet, shorts and thongs!

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way,

Christmas in Australia on a scorching summer’s day.

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,

Christmas time is beaut,

Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden ute.

Come the afternoon,

Grandpa has a doze,

The kids and Uncle Bruce are swimming in their clothes.

The time comes round to go,

We take a family snap,

And pack the car,

And all shoot through,

Before the washing up!~QoT~

 

 

 

0 Comments

  1. Darlene Conner

    Cause we are obviously the coolest

  2. Spartacus

    A belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all you non-English wankers.

  3. Spartacus

    2….2….2……….2 for two hundred and twenty two…..
    What a catch…. WHAT.. A.. CATCH!

  4. Scorpio

    Plastic Surgeon

  5. Punky B.

    Yep here too! Every year I look forward to it.. scrooged has Bill Murray in it.. it’s so dam funny!

  6. Punky B.

    Did they play it 24 hrs where your at? My little girl finally got to watch it she loved it.

    Here’s another one I love to watch.. scrooged
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/762d00808766f8bfb7cb204ebeb137e3d124b8ce6d371f66a5a42a8ca1d3f074.gif

  7. Scorpio

    You are most welcome. Goal pictures are the absolute best way to communicate with your PS.

  8. Stelio Kontos

    Yeah….that part had me immediately enthralled.

  9. Dead Man's Dog

    Here’s my Christmas present for all you filthy animals I consider my compadres; Lindsay Pelas in an unphotoshopped pic:

    Looks like goddam E.T. In the group photo

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4eed715b11a33138e75206eb4c02c3927f0e1de0db4e30a401e2713fac9e0464.png

  10. JimU113

    Unfortunately, Insta-hos (and their diseases) are like roaches.

  11. prettyfeet

    Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah degenerates! Thank you all for being so funny. I really enjoy our friendship.

  12. Maia

    Well, I’m married, Isabelle Ratchet. Might I suggest rhinoplasty? At least do something about your Dr. Spock eyebrows. Poor kid. Better body than Abigail, but that butterface. Yeesh.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fbe06b08d68fdb5c75202ff63fb1cfec4a86ead1d9f7f2f0ac020fa9b13773a4.png

  13. Maia

    When you want to celebrate the birth of Jesus, but hoe is life. From right to left; getting shit on for money in Abu Dhabi, hawking diarrhea tea in Vegas, and slinging her beef curtains in Colorado, all in a week. Imagine a 19 hour plane ride for a weekend? Hope she got hella paid. Scratch that. If she did get hella paid, she’d be with her family right now like normal whores who actually do get paid. She did get the cheapest Cartier bracelet as a Christmas present, so there’s that. Edit: A Rolex, too. That makes it worth it. Not.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8b6398a70e080ce59edd175e5dcfae1effc3f3691c37b11d57ea13d56d27e571.png

    • Exactly, Maia, you know the Cartier bracelet and Rolex make up for no dignity and the loss of her soul. I wonder how far along into her 40s she’ll be before she starts having to pawn them to pay trailer rent.

      • Maia

        HA! I’m not sure those trinkets will see her 35th birthday! The beautiful thing about working for a living is that we can buy those things for ourselves and still sit down without an ass cushion. Imagine the things her body has to endure? Being able to look in the mirror is a wonderful thing!

        • That made me think of “The Brothers Grimbsy” movie with Sacha Baron Cohen. If anyone’s seen it. The parts where he asks how his ass looks? ( after being ummm violated by an elephant).

          • Maia

            I haven’t seen it, but I’m off this week and home alone!!! I’ll check it out!

          • Maia

            I haven’t seen it, but I’m home alone all week! I’ll check it out!

  14. Blunt-Master_puff_puff_

    Merry Christmas to my ZeeDubber friends & thanks for all the laughs, it wasn’t the greatest year for me.
    Have a safe and happy holiday with loved ones and friends but be sure to misbehave on New Years Eve!
    One for da guys and one for da gals (unless you play for the ‘other’ team in which case the 1st one….oh nm)
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/943ea3b74e4aa5876908cf38ec4e2a1cdce07fc7d4ee42ad617c5523fe426cf5.jpg

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3a0fe54c721c5988f2bf3ee07e6d0ba796b15447d2fd5e96cb82609a4dff9232.jpg

  15. AmericanTopTeam

    Merry Christmas everyone and thanks to each one of you for whatever you bring to our table of degenerates i can’t count how many times I’ve come here after a total shit day and left laughing thinking “at least you’ve never jerked off an 80 year old for the latest handbag”..Zw cheaper than therapy!!

    ATT

  16. Blunt-Master_puff_puff_

    *Rowdy Roddy Piper (ex-wife was crushing on him hard back in the day)

  17. Penza

    Thank God my company left and I can finally relax. Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and Season’s Greetings.
    I’m very grateful for the fun and laughs on a daily basis. I need it, and if I can make any of you smile in return, my work is done. God bless you all.

  18. Darlene Conner

    Yep! I loved feeding my rat baby Petunia because she would let me pet her like that! She would sit on my shoulder and make little nests out of my hair…it was so funny. Now I see that it may seem a little strange…oh well…

  19. Darlene Conner

    So I just commented above on rat appreciation and I didn’t even see your comment! Weeiiird.

  20. Happy Pants

    Merry Christmas Karo!

  21. jujubeans

    Merry Christmas you filthy animal

  22. jujubeans

    Merry Christmas motherfuquers!!!!!

    I’m ricking around the Christmas tree tonight

  23. ZWGGMa

    thank you you naughty little thing… to you too.

  24. ZWGGMa

    Hello sweet happy pants…. so great to see you

  25. JimU113

    Rock, scissor, paper. Best two out of three. In a steel cage. Loser leave town.

    • I like where you are going with this, but I was also hoping for something like loser gets a huge boulder dropped on them ( or a truck, I’m not picky).

      • JimU113

        Thank you. I’ve an idea for what to drop on the loser (or both of them, then everyone wins).

  26. Maia

    Merry Christmas to you too!

  27. o3mta3o

    My cats didn’t mind. I ended up with 4 (not at the same time) and eventually decided that I didn’t want to deal with the cage.

  28. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap!

    I always use the joke that if I were a horse they would have shot me by now. I drank a little last night, and I should know better. Alcohol always leaves me depressed.

  29. o3mta3o

    Lol! I brought mine in those box style pencil cases with holes in the top. And she got passed around with whoever had a spare period.

  30. Merry Christmas, love! Perfect cute pics as always!

  31. Full of **IT!

    Hey ZW, it’s been awhile! Merry F’ing Christmas and to all my lady ZW Nation friends, enjoy! Ho, Ho, Ho! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2458f38c255110fbadea8409c728366386cf2f111459db312f37db33e8996565.gif

  32. I need a beatboxer. Any volunteers? Lots of spit!!!

  33. Maia

    Awww! So cute!

  34. Maia

    Awww!!! So cute!

  35. Maia

    You know what I want for Christmas? To throat punch this hypocrite. Seriously, now she’s part of a https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/21d10fc602af23d9b3f4247db698476c1a51da37b9bb3741cc83c8e2904f1044.png ChristCouple movement? This whore thinks she can reinvent herself like her actual jackshack life never even happened. We’ll be here to remind her.

  36. Merry Christmas Queen!
    The rest of you have to wait.

  37. JimU113

    Merry Christmas to the ZW. Here’s something heard at TheShitty this time of year.

  38. Maia

    Merry Christmas everyone! Finally home with the family! It’s been a really long month.

  39. Scorpio

    The time difference is not because of your latitude, e.g. Southern hemisphere, it is because of your longitude. You sit just a couple hours West of the International Date Line, while I sit just a few hours East of it. Just sayin’. Merry Christmas to the Queen and her crew.

  40. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap!

    Sorry, Christmas sucks!. Santa has been dead for almost 9.5 years. I am a little low tonight: sorry.

  41. My next hit after this version of “Let it Snow” will be my version of Jingle Bells, “Juggle Balls”

    Oh your iPhone selfies are frightful
    But those PhotoShop skills are so delightful
    And since you’ve got no money fo’ sho
    You’re a hoe, you’re a hoe, you’re a hoe

    Your social media shows no signs of stopping
    And you’re paid for that pussy to be popping
    Put the crack pipe way down low
    You’re a hoe, you’re a hoe, you’re a hoe!

    When we finally fuck tonight
    How I’d hate to go in raw
    But if you really fuck me right
    I’ll leave the cash on your dresser drawer

    Your Instagram likes are slowly dying
    And my dear your posts are all about lying
    But as long as your Beta followers love you so
    You’re a hoe, you’re a hoe, you’re a hoe!

    Your social media shows no signs of stopping
    And you’re paid for that pussy to be popping
    Put the crack pipe way down low
    You’re a hoe, you’re a hoe, you’re a hoe!
    OH… you’re a hoe!

    All the way home I’ll be thinking
    Was your pussy really stinkin’

    The fire is slowly dying
    And if I said you were good in bed I’d be lying
    As long you fucked me so

    You’re a hoe, you’re a hoe, you’re a hoe!
    You’re a hoe, you’re a hoe, you’re a hoe!
    You’re a hoe, you’re a hoe, you’re a hoe!

  42. ZWGGMa

    Merry fucking ho ho to you too Your Majesty.. Fuck Christmas….

  43. Whitney BeatMe

    Alright kids! Pornaments for you!! It is a series and you can see over the years they got better. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/96a7151c46e73960af9c208f1eb84b56dad379bc67a58ff201c18bb7f278581a.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c17c643760f026171c844b8d5db959b7ddd3f9865e586c6f97e7a033e32587a6.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c4b788e75997e502076e1a1d161561335cd4ad7285a6067fddfa8b9e222bdc41.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ac572eaddeaa8be7971d4fb1bdbd007efc3dd877d9b026cf96d3f5fe6c20c7ba.jpg If you like what you see, the artist has a website at ashleemarcus.com. She does a lot of cool things and will take commissions so maybe you can get a start on my present for next year.

  44. Ms Conduct

    I’d forgotten about the pornaments!! Miss ya GMa!

  45. Whitney BeatMe

    Ok ok. I will photograph them and put them in a separate comment. Till then you all quiver with anticipation. Ya gma. Get on it you geriatric cuss.

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