Here at ZW Nation, we’ve endured a year of moronic memes, asinine photos and imbecilic IG/Twitter/Facebook/Snapchat/Whatever ramblings from social media simpletons trying to one up other equally brainless social media simpletons with their vapid, useless existences. It’s enough to make us projectile vomit while dreaming of donkey-punching these halfwits into a perma-coma.
The “resolutions” from the social media short bus have already started, and we fully expect more of the same when they awake from yet another night of staged importance, with attempts to sound intelligent, thoughtful and reflective – all while avoiding the obvious critical shortcomings inherent their respective DNA and lifestyle choices.
This post employs the KISS method so no more rambling, but a few examples to get everyone started. Think of it as community service without a trip to the soup kitchen.
Kurt Benz: Be all the beard I can be, fully embrace the rainbow and finish that love letter to Justin Beiber.
Tricia Evans: Set a playdate for lil’ Motel 6 with that beanie baby next door, or whatever the fuck they call Mexican kids.
Amanda L’Hommedieu: Remember to douche between appointments – clean and pristine in 2017!
Meh – none of these are funny, but you all get the point. So post your suggestions, and let’s light up the otherwise brain-dead twits with useful 2017 resolutions. And Happy New Year to the ZW Nation ~TTP.