ZW Intelligence

New Year’s Resolutions: The Insta-Idiot Edition

Here at ZW Nation, we’ve endured a year of moronic memes, asinine photos and imbecilic IG/Twitter/Facebook/Snapchat/Whatever ramblings from social media simpletons trying to one up other equally brainless social media simpletons with their vapid, useless existences.  It’s enough to make us projectile vomit while dreaming of donkey-punching these halfwits into a perma-coma.

The “resolutions” from the social media short bus have already started, and we fully expect more of the same when they awake from yet another night of staged importance, with attempts to sound intelligent, thoughtful and reflective – all while avoiding the obvious critical shortcomings inherent their respective DNA and lifestyle choices.

This post employs the KISS method so no more rambling, but a few examples to get everyone started.  Think of it as community service without a trip to the soup kitchen.

Kurt Benz:  Be all the beard I can be, fully embrace the rainbow and finish that love letter to Justin Beiber.

Tricia Evans:  Set a playdate for lil’ Motel 6 with that beanie baby next door, or whatever the fuck they call Mexican kids.

Amanda L’Hommedieu:  Remember to douche between appointments – clean and pristine in 2017! 

Meh – none of these are funny, but you all get the point.  So post your suggestions, and let’s light up the otherwise brain-dead twits with useful 2017 resolutions.  And Happy New Year to the ZW Nation ~TTP.





  1. “Would” is one of my top 10 favorite songs ever; now I have to play it.

  2. JimU113

    Fitting description, rught?

  3. Sharkey's Wallet

    He drinks frozen drinks like beninies.

  4. Sharkey's Wallet

    I have a beautiful camera I barely touch because I’ve yet to find a muse. Those estates and people would be a unique group. It’s not one of those average “shooting squalor as art.” It’s like shooting those washed up old ladies and men who drink and smoke in the older Vegas rooms – only years before, not that many years. But it was likely their history. As for retired truckers or waitresses, they can do what they want because they’ve made an honest living.

    Sharks – if he lasts that long – would be something to behold in those golden hours of life.

  5. Sharkey's Wallet

    I wouldn’t say they’re not funny. You’re getting the ball rolling. Sarah Scheller – “time to get braces. For my legs.”

  6. TwoTrickPony

    I just took a look. What an idiot. Who advises Hooman and convinces him of these idiot directional changes? His Renegade pops-in-law who is now a low-rent helicopter tour pilot? I knew thedirty was going into the toilet – particularly during the latter half of 2016 – but this attempt at resuscitation is just plain embarrassing.

    • Vicki Vallencourt

      im gonna blame jay giro-d’whatever. jenna’s ex husband

    • Sammi Jo

      I think he’s having a mid-life crisis. He’ll be divorced and creepin’ around the club again within’ the year.

    • smugjew

      Having to buy fake clicks for your website is never a good sign. Remember when Warrant went all grunge with their third album in 1992 and tried to compete with Alice In Chains? Yeah, me neither.

  7. The_Truth_Hurts2012

    prolapse anus

  8. smugjew

    Oh, a fired NFL coach was interviewing for a TV job — STOP THE PRESSES

    I guess I can stop reading The New York Times and The Economist now because Nik Richie has all the “Breaking News” and “Exclusive”s I need.

    • Sammi Jo

      LMFAO!!! No doubt, The Shity will be my go to for “breaking news” Some really cutting edge stuff!
      Not only that…but we’ll be privy to P.Diddy’s child support situation! I know I care. Matt Lauer better watch out…Dik’s gunnin’ for his job

      • smugjew

        He’s all cocky because of his undefeated record in libel suits but all he’s gone up against are hookers and homewreckers from Ottawa.

        Now that he’s moving onto celebrity news let’s see him start shit with some real Hollywood muscle and keep that streak going. Nik thinks he’s Mr. American Journalist now? You think you’re Larry Flynt? You think you’re The NY Times publishing the Pentagon Papers?

        All a jury is gonna see is some A-rab who runs a struggle site about whores. If we can figure out that his “user submitted content” charade is BS so can a quality lawyer.

        Gawker Media had the same exact insouciant attitude and you see where that got them.

    • The_Truth_Hurts2012

      Wait till he brings up what Brad Pitt did in 4th grade………. It’s going to be a Show STOPPER

  9. Those are acid washed jeans? And a ginger front rug? No!
    Confession: I have an insane attraction to Walter matthau I fucking love him but only at the same age I am lol- not wacking it to grumpy old men or anything…yet. So I lose, every time, in celebrity crush comparison- there are others, oh young Peter O’Toole lol now anybody who knows me IRL will be Ahhhhshit it’s her!

  10. The Beav

    Didn’t he try this and fail with Tab Rag? Agree….struggle site

  11. Maybe because they can’t stop getting high on their own supply? Freddie’s coke probably can get a preschool shitting to the national anthem …Cutting that shit with babylax

  12. Fuck that girl…You eating crackers boy you’re dismissed lol

  13. Digitus impudicus

    Dammitall, I’m stuck in Jersey!

  14. Digitus impudicus

    Uh, struggle cock? Ewwwww! Lol!!

  15. Digitus impudicus

    Lol, fecal fanatics!!

  16. smugjew


    featured comment!!!

  17. That dresser looks #hellacheap #particleboard.
    Not that I have anything against cheap decent furniture, I don’t. But if I’m sucking floppy old cocks for a lifestyle my shit is gonna be styling ffs

    • Maia

      And she has that tacky pouffy white headboard that all the hoes have!

    • Ghost Girl

      I thought it was particle board too! I saw it and thought it was a total struggle dresser. She pays $2k for a pair of stupid fucking red bottoms, but buys her dresser from Walmart. Sharkey spent more on his gay ass night stands ffs.

  18. Persephone

    I can’t get over the drawers. Close your drawers and make your bed and your room will look 80% cleaner–fact.

    • Sammi Jo

      So true! Even if I don’t clean the bedroom every day, I make the bed.

      • Plus eating and drinking in bed? And not special occasion eating and drinking? And sprite? In my fucking bed? Obviously being swigged straight from the bottle related to hangover hot coppers? Yeah, in college maybe but again, if I’m rim jobbing Methuselah that shit ain’t happening. Plus no food in my bed. Just NO

    • Penza

      It looks like a flop house, it’s not treated like a home.

  19. Maia

    That’s the ugliest two piece, faux fur, drawstring get up I’ve ever seen.

  20. Maia

    That would involve being sober.

    • Sammi Jo

      Good point

    • Persephone

      Hahahahaha really…they prob don’t notice it. If someone said something I can predict their comeback: “so what, you just wish you were me ”

  21. Maia

    Who does this photoshopping tank thinks she’s kidding? On your first day back in California might I suggest Atkins or Paleo.

    Good grief, I need to go back to work on Wednesday! This hoes are killing me!

  22. Maia

    I don’t know about you but I can’t stand the smell of my own shit, let alone someone else’s.

  23. Maia

    This is a match made in Heaven! She’s really let herself go. Look at her. Look at this bedroom. Look at the empties on the nightstand. Do you think she can still command top prices or is she relying on his “income”?

    • Penza

      Why do prostitutes love Hello Kitty?

    • Persephone

      Oh my word…. she won’t even shut her drawers all the way.
      Fucking slob. And yeah, Penza has a point–what’s the correlation between nasty ho bitches and hello kitty?

      • Spartacus

        “she won’t even shut her drawers all the way” thank goodness you said that. I thought it was just me that finds that little habit tells you everything you need to know about someone.

    • Digitus impudicus

      Hello Kitty slutjammies? She must be BFFs with Trasha.

    • The_Truth_Hurts2012

      Caption this photo, “Looking for my dime bag”

  24. Maia

    Well, Kina and Freddie are certainly starting the year off on the wrong foot. Can someone please tell me why she is at his feet in the shitter? Is she a blumpkin giver? Barf. Maybe she wipes his ass. Who the fuck drinks Chardonnay in a bathroom while someone’s taking a dump? I think she’s strung the fuck out.

  25. Her mom could fucking SING. Fuck Mariah Carey

    • Maia

      This guy is such a fraud and trickster. There really is a sucker born every minute.

    • JimU113

      …Yott’s got an “empire”? Sorry bub, but selling low quality weed on three different street corners in one day isn’t an empire.

    • So he’s gonna live with homeless people? Isn’t that an oxymoron? Emphasis on “moron” maybe on OXY ? I’d love a show where yotta gospel is doled out in a cardboard box behind a dumpster. If they drink yotta piss, I think it could be a nature channel crossover hit!

      • €r2

        He is doing everything to get attention. Fck believe i didnt even read the caption lol

    • Persephone

      CHEESE!! He needs to change his name to Gouda_life. He couldn’t be ColbyJack_life because that sounds too cheap, right?

    • Digitus impudicus

      Omg, fucking tard…”passionated?” Is that like “conversated?” Besides, his only one is his own hard needledick.

  26. Maia

    Wow! That lipo really works.

    • For awhile. Then it settles right back on when you continue to scarf down box Chardonnay and ding dongs. She’s a jabba. It’s VERY hard to get rid of packed on back fat like she has-been doable but hard ass work. Having doctor douchebag suck it out and pack it in your ass is only a temporary solution. I’ve never been fat in my life and I fight back meat hard and it’s not easy – if you starve it off, you get ribsy and if you work it off it needs to be maintained. This cunt can’t even walk herself to the fucking toilet so

      • Maia

        Rumor has it she was drunk during that “performance”. Myself? I really have to watch my bread intake cuz I love that shit. I just try and move as much as possible, even if it just means parking as far away as possible at the mall. I lose weight when I need to, but I have to move.

        • Mariah Carey is drunk constantly. And newsflash ladies, “wine o’clock” is fattening as fuck. I’ve watched a LOT of broads lard out on white wine- to the point where I don’t like wine at all. Ditto beer.

          • Maia

            Stomach fat. The WORST kind. All of my friends who drink too much all have guts.

          • smugjew

            Basic bitches’ obsession with wine is pretty lame.

  27. Maia

    Try to stay off them if you can, unless they’re for psychological reasons such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. I used to have panic attacks and the fucking VA put me on benzos. My mind became addicted to those fuckers and I had panic attacks from NOT taking them. They didn’t stop the panic attacks, they caused them. If I didn’t take them, I had a panic attack. Well fuck that. I weaned off and haven’t had a full blown attack since then. If I feel panicky I go outside and run.

    • Precisely…That’s called the rebound and it’s an absolute fact of life if you’re taking benzos. Idk who would tell someone “no, you can’t go off these”, though, that’s malpractice in itself. I am very very down on benzos. Another thing that would have made me very unpopular if I were practicing medicine

      • Maia

        I was told I’d have seizures if I stopped. I had no intention of stopping cold turkey, but I weaned myself off and I’ve never felt better.

        • They absolutely contribute to depression and anxiety and do little to help it. Anyone that anxious should take benadryl or get a script for vistaril. Benzos suppress the frontal lobe and can permanently alter your personality. People who are extremely anxious are shown to invariably have high histamine levels. Benadryl et al is a safe fast fix – benzos are not safe! This includes valium, Xanax, Ativan all drugs in that class. They are deadly.

          • Maia

            I was the Klonapin Queen. So glad I’m over it. Those things are pure evil. I used to freak out if I left the house without them. I don’t even think about them anymore.

          • That’s awesome. Always spread the word about how fucked up this class of drugs is. People just don’t realize it when a doctor hands them the script.

          • Maia

            The VA would rather drug us up than have actual useful therapy. Exercise and talking about shit is far better.

          • smugjew

            Speaking as someone that has almost-daily interaction with recovering heroin addicts I would estimate probably 90% of them started out abusing those types of drugs. When the pill supply ran out they switched to dope. Evil.

          • Maia

            For me it was alcohol. Done with that shit, too.

  28. What meds are you going on about? I didn’t have time to watch the whole thing.
    I hope you get them

  29. Lol I just watched this yesterday!

  30. AmericanTopTeam

    I never liked her but man she really used to have a great voice

  31. Persephone

    I’d be flattered, embarrassed for her, but flattered. Someone takes the time to create an account with your name?! The power you hold over her is strong.

  32. Persephone


  33. smugjew

    Barf. She needs to switch from Champagne + Xanax to Cocaine.

  34. o3mta3o

    Can we be sure that she’s aware of that fact?

  35. Dead Man's Dog

    Happy New Years you lovable trouble makers!!

    Played this for almost half an hour at my NYE party last night before someone noticed!!


  36. Dead Man's Dog

    I hate Nick Cannon

  37. AmericanTopTeam

    Ok bahaha “whatever the fuck they call Mexican kids”

  38. Kay More

    I love the tackiness in this site! On a different site I made rude remarks about Elin (Tigers Woods ex) and this commentator got into me for woman shaming lols!! I told her I shame equally duh! Not like these celebs are the nicest people anyways!

  39. Maia

    Her ex!!!

  40. Snoggins

    I do want to share my commentary to your favorite little man regarding his recent New Years post on his now irrelevant website. I think you all may appreciate it more than he will.

  41. Maia

    Manhattandoll aka platimumbarbie10 because 1 through 9 were taken.

  42. This fat old fuck needs to hang up the flesh colored bodysuit and put down the vodka bottle. She’s a fucking asshole! Bitch can’t be bothered to rehearse and those poor dancers are carting her drunk ass around the stage like a resussiAnnie doll on its last legs. She obviously had a fat transfer into her lardy old shit bucket but seriously nobody wants to see it nor her saggy old jugs. I loved the drunken monologue so much. I would have loved it even more if I was standing in the middle of a crowd of retarded cunts with noisemakers. New York sucks now, cuz 15 years ago she would have been taken out by a barrage of beer bottles and pizza slices for reals. Nobody even booed like back in the day. “Get off the stage you washed up old gasbag and take your fake fat ass with you!” Lolol that woulda been me if I was stupid enough to want to go to times square for anything, ever

  43. Omg why? Don’t you have bamboo toothpicks to shove into your nail beds? A cigarette lighter to shove in your eyeball? I can come up with 101 infinitely more entertaining things to do besides engage with this monotonous troll, starting with taking a ripping and traumatic shit right up to bathing in said shit. Just no. Don’t do it.

  44. Maia

    And that same tired hair style.

  45. Maia

    Her real face, head on.

  46. Ghost Girl

    This shit is like shooting fish in a barrel!

  47. Maia

    Struggle Santa!

  48. Sammi Jo

    LMFAO!! The “cigarette” isn’t even his.
    It’s lookin’ more and more like his “impromptu Santa shoot” was courtesy of the dumpster.

  49. Vicki Vallencourt

    she’s been wearing the same stage outfits since 2005

  50. Maia

    Looks like a landing strip up there.

  51. Digitus impudicus

    That is cousin fucker.

  52. Maia

    She’s too fat for actual real money.

    • AmericanTopTeam

      Yeah she doesn’t have the muscle definition to work at a top end club plus they frown on drug use and she isn’t near famous enough to be a feature dancer

  53. Maia

    Not for nothing, but do you think this poser, Aviv Benayoone, would drink Jack and smoke under a menorah? Fuck off, Kurt Benz. This tool geotags Singapore, just like his ho bff’s. I’d love to punch the shit out of him.

  54. Maia

    She was in one last night, even!

  55. Maia

    Nah, she just frequents them.

    • smugjew

      Leave it to these idiots to try and sell a product that has a shelf life of three weeks. Which is longer than their pussy has…

    • Happy Pants

      Yeah because of all the places those people have been, they’re going to haunt your shitty hotel room. Bitch please.

    • AmericanTopTeam

      HAND SIGNED FUCK YEAH! Good Lord come on…

    • Sharkey's Wallet

      I’d buy that and put her old head on each image. That or photoshop a nursing bra on each picture.

  56. Maia

    HA! It’s 2017, Allison Ceglio. 25 bucks to watch your slothful ass is so 2016. Might I suggest you find an actual job.

  57. Maia

    Lacey K Somers is threatening to ruin our eardrums this new year. Another ho who thinks she can sing. I can’t wait!

    • smugjew

      Great. I imagine her music to be a sultry, seductive blend of the powerhouse blues stylings of Etta James, the ethereal jazz leanings of Joni Mitchell, topped off by a dash of poetic fury in the vein of Patti Smith.

      LOL just kidding

    • What’s a “patreon’? Is that code for main John? Are the joiners the blowjobs and Doggystyle quickies in between? Or did she mean someone buying her a shot of knockoff patron? Fueling her insanity. Arrribbba

      • Maia

        Another way to part Betas from the allowance they get from their parents!

        “Patreon is home to 276930 creators making a living from their work through subscription payments from their fans”

  58. Penza

    The Trisha one made me laugh out loud. Hope everyone here has a happy and healthy 2017, I come here for the laughs, and you funny fuckers always deliver.

  59. Whitney BeatMe

    This year Sharkey resolves to put motion detector cameras in his bedroom, so he knows who his baby daddies are and how much meth she really got for trade.
    Bev resolves to get that ring from Nate. Hey, it may be an onion ring but she can get him drunk and have him sign. The owl will help her.
    Yotta will increase the prices of his money shirts cause shit why not. Everyone who buys one is blessed so it’s not unreasonable to charge more.
    And hopefully Duchess Dawn and I can get together and plan that paintball drive by blitz we’ve discussed so much. LA, Vegas, hell we may even hit Scottsdale. 2017 will be a winner folks.

    • The_Truth_Hurts2012

      maybe she was talking about all the glitter she puts on her body before sliding up and down the pole.

  60. JimU113

    Scars’ resolution is to use those Beta dollars from her crap sale…er, product line…To hire someone to take out Jose Jalapeno on a stick.

  61. Ms Conduct

    Went too far researching the new/old crazy town on theshitty. Damn, that’s more rabbit hole than, I ever wanted to see.

  62. TwoTrickPony

    Tiffany Joy Vine: sign up for with a dead sexy profile pic and retire the Hitachi.

  63. TwoTrickPony

    Her helmet headed pimp most likely bought a dozen and took it out of her future earnings. Deltona’s roots struggle on fleek.

  64. TwoTrickPony

    Tricia Evans: Stop hotboxing lil’ Sheraton cause I’m too lazy to walk five feet out to my struggle porch for a smoke. Oh and win Sharkey back.

    • The_Truth_Hurts2012

      Maybe DT found God in the hopes that Sharkey would come back to her.

  65. Maia

    Bwahaha! 35 bucks, 50 bucks with her “autograph”, like this worn-out hoe is someone actually famous and not Instafake famous! “Never forget what day it is”! Bitch, only people stuck in the basement, and staring at the wall, need to be reminded what day it is. The rest of us look at our phones. Perhaps you meant “never forget what date it is”, because we working folks know exactly what fucking DAY it is. Oh, my bad. You have never held a job, so perhaps you don’t know what day of the week it is. It’s Saturday, bitch! Get out there and make that money. That 1000 rent at Panorama Towers ain’t gonna pay itself! It’s due tomorrow! Happy New Year, Amandolin! May you finally land that ever-elusive wealthy trout this year, because you’re getting a little long in the tooth for whoring!

    • TwoTrickPony

      This absolutely, positively has to be a joke. An uneducated, narcissistic hooker from one of the most backwater towns in America? You live in Vegas for Christ’s sake. And peaked in high school. A beauty, fashion and travel blog? Seriously? What subjects? Best non-irritating anal lube? When no really means yes? For fuck’s sake.

      • Maia

        HAHAHA! Can your friend ask her how she travels with absolutely no means of income?

        • TwoTrickPony

          Oddly enough, she has another website called misslhommedieu that has yet to go live. whois that shit – it was updated a few days ago.

      • The_Truth_Hurts2012

        what to wear when you know your getting pooped on.
        *Always carry baby wipes and a body brush
        *Altoids can be your friend and give you an extra 5%
        *Best ways of finding your Johns secret stashes
        *Don’t dial 911 until you make them drive to the ATM
        *Get your cash upfront, before they deposit in the rear

      • Digitus impudicus

        I want to see you disappear totally, you useless cunt whore.

      • Sharkey's Wallet

        Who would want this. It’s like her head was taken from a different body with all the surgery she’s had.

        Calendars in the 90s of beautiful women made sense because the women were internationally scouted for being beautiful. Plus you couldn’t get the images from everywhere for free like you can now. They weren’t self designed surgery victims whose faces will fall apart in 5 years, with hair taped to their head.

        Bring beauty back to the girls who get scouted, who can jump in the water and come out looking fantastic. There’s so much smoke and mirrors now, we can’t even find the real Helenas or Naomis. Literally anyone can model now if they play with their face and exercise all day.

        Real models were naturally thin and beautiful. What we have now are rip offs and skanks.

    • smugjew

      Yeah, she uses a phone for appointments. Looks like she’s already booked through July of next year!

    • o3mta3o

      12 months included? What a deal!

    • Kay More

      Shes an idiot. No one cares

  66. TwoTrickPony

    Amanda L’Hommedieu: sucker some random betas into purchasing my (still yet unreleased) 2017 calendar so on my next visit with Mom this year at Polk City Correctional Institution, I can tell her I actually made an honest dollar without being in the prone position.

    • Maia

      Includes 12 full months!!! What fucking calendar is less than 12 months? Who wrote this stoopid shit?

      • TwoTrickPony

        “Never forgot what day it is.” Seriously? And is there another method beyond “hand autographed” the rest of us are unfamiliar with?

        Fuck all.

      • The_Truth_Hurts2012

        well, since it won’t be out till March, might as well save some paper right?

      • @MissTriciaEvans

        Her blog should be an interesting read.

    • Maia

      Her mom’s Florida mugshots look like Faces of Meth, 2017. Holy Shit!!!!

  67. TwoTrickPony

    Chad Fakio: Come up with a more enticing name to lure unsuspecting prey into my favorite position, what I like to call “the hairless pretzel.”

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