ZW Update: Tiffany Vine aka The Cryptkeeper
(SmugJew & QoT)
If there’s one thing that unites our beloved ZW celebrities it’s the delusional disorder that afflicts them all.
I’m a model. I’m a mogul. I’m famous. I’m rich. I’m intelligent. I’M SOMEBODY.
ZW Nation through its noble efforts has found an effective way to treat this illness in a way that psychotherapists could never achieve with their traditional cognitive behavioral therapy.
Through our articles we simply hold a mirror up to our subjects and let them see how the world views them.
One recent success is evidenced by this recent Facebook post by Tiffany “Teef” Vine.
(Insert FB screenshot)
I’ve decided to give up looking attractive.~The CryptTeefer~
Tiffany, you never even started looking attractive.
While she claimed after the fact that this statement is tongue-in-cheek, the admission that “I’m not rich or famous or married or skinny” is dead-on accurate. She’s not just a train wreck — she’s a plane falling out of the sky into the train. And she damn well knows it.
Naturally, the beta ass licking quickly followed.
Is The Cryptkeeper ready for a fresh start? No more wig, circus tits and 7 layers of spray tan? No more drunken Vegas misadventures, drum tech blowjobs and Seeking Arrangement profiles?
We have recently lost some ZW faves to the long arm of the law. Let’s not hope we lose another to common sense and rational thought. -SJ
Don’t be silly, SmugJew. New intel gleaned from the apparent army of Teef Haters, shows that Tiffany will, in fact, not be attempting any kind of normalcy and intends to continue right on doing the same trainwreck shit and expecting a different result. Rest easy dear Jew, the CryptExpress is still gathering steam.
If fame is what you’re after Tiffany – all ZW eyes are on you right now. Bask in it, bitch.
So, as some will have seen from the comment section -The Cryptkeeper went to Metallica.
Somehow, she managed to convince her beta friend “Mike” to fork out the cash for “VIP” tickets. This friend no one has heard of before, sure sounds like a potential john paying for a “date”.
Then – Mike suffered a tragic loss (or googled her name and realised that he didn’t really want to be seen in public with The Cryptkeeper Express and her stanky wig) and was suddenly unable to make it.
Naturally, Tiffany offered to sell his ticket online for full price. Raise your hand if you think Ol’ Mikey will ever see the cash for that ticket. No? Yeah. Me either.
Fun Fact: The CryptExpress is powered by a Hyundai engine.
I can’t see who The Cryptkeeper managed to convince to come along with her but they were clearly told to just stfu, stay outta the way and take pics of her ONLY. Not one pic with her date.
Now, for someone who was not only going to go private on social media but also make no effort on her appearance – she sure went from 0 – 100 fast.
Updates set to PUBLIC, StruggleWig set to STUN.
Oh, and Foot set to FIRMLY WEDGED IN MOUTH.
Is The Cryptkeeper insinuating AGAIN that she slept with Chris ‘Birdman’ Andersen? We have confirmed reports that Chris WAS in attendance at the Metallica concert.
If someone could find her original posts about apparently fucking the guy, that would be awesome. For those unaware – Tiffany claimed some time ago that she did the nasty with Birdman. Typical groupie bragging that she’s been called out on plenty of times.
According to ZW’s well placed sources – Tiffany screwed Birdman’s good friend in an attempt to get closer to him but was quickly rebuffed by both. Chris Andersen swears he did not stick his penis in the #CryptCunt. After speaking directly to the source – I’m inclined to believe him. I mean – would you?
It’s been quite obvious that Tiffany is picking and choosing which status updates she sets to public/private. Why on earth is she posting these updates PUBLICLY?
I had to double check this status was current. I had a feeling I’d seen it before…